Hi fans!! Long time no see! I’m here to catch you up on my life as a celebrity.
So, I took the advice from my friend Russell (the BroadWAY star that has a crush on me) and went to the Drama Book Shop. Have you ever been there? I couldn’t believe how many books on the BroadWAY they had there!! I found this book: How To Succeed in Show Business Without Really Trying. Written By: George Spelvin. It sounds pretty interesting so- I guess I’ll read it if it makes me a celebrity.
I started with the chapter: “How to Develop Your Branding and Style.” Heh? What the eff? What do they think I am, a cow?? And I already got style! Anyway, my niece had me meet with this career coach (whatever that means) and he, ya know….. coached me on my career. His name is Doug Shapiro, and boy did he have a crush on me!! Once I could get him to focus on something other than how glamorous I am he gave me some good tips.
TIPS:
1. Get an agent (aka my guy).
2. I have a “type” or “Brand”…. I am a sexy grandma!!!!! Woo!! And so now I have to find some shows with sexy grandmas and tell them I’m here. (Phew! They will be so relieved!)
3. Perform in a one woman show- that is, a show starring me! I can do any songs I want! he loves me so much he’s gonna sit in the front row! Woo! (It’s a date!) will you come? WATCH THE EPISODE HERE!
Next Chapter: “How to get hot.” Apparently BroadWAY people have to look “fierce” and have a thing called… Broadway bodies. See… I know the “lingo.” My new hottie trainer Dusty Ballard, ya know… trained me and holy mother of scotch on the rocks was that hard! Who knew getting to broadWAY would make you sweat so much! WATCH ME GETTING HOT HERE!
Tips:
1. If you want to be on The BroadWAY you have to starve, and spend all your free time working out.
2. Try a cleanse. I tried an all liquid diet. It’s supposed to be really good for your digestion. Here is my meal plan…
Breakfast: Immediately upon rising drink hot lemon water. (Gross) Coffee (feel free to add baileys) or if you like tea, make a hot toddy. Lunch: green smoothie (tastes great with a shot or two of chocolate vodka, Snack: scotch on the rocks. Dinner: Clam Chowder. Snack: scotch on the rocks. Before bed: hot toddy.
I hope you learned a lot, any questions??
Next week I’ll tell you all about my glamorous photoshoot…. You can watch it HERE
Till next time fans,
XO Lil